I will, I will

Dear God,

I just had a therapeutic private cry a few minutes ago. It was good I could compare it to having leche flan for dessert after a satisfying lunch of pinakbet and fried fish. I felt good afterwards. It's nice to unload buckets of tears whenever you have silly secret fears. Secret fears be damned!

So here are my secret fears, in random order. I shoulda stop calling them secret because I'm gonna hit the publish button anyway.

1) I fear that my dreams won't come true.
2) I fear that I'm not good enough for my dreams.
3) I fear that I'm dreaming too much.
4) I fear that my dreams won't like me, so they might just skip me and land in another person's lap and then I'll be left crying like a helpless kid in a dark street.
5) LET'S STOP THIS NONSENSE, J!


Item # 5 is all caps, look! Hallelujah! Something made me stop at item # 5. It's not nice to list down your fears because some whirlwind of energy might capture them and make them come true for you. God forbid!!! No, I just listed them down for my future reference. Really.

I want to look at these fears and tell them to get lost. Right. Now.

I want to laugh at these fears someday (to be specific, in 2014) and tell them, "See? I made it! My dreams came true. Now get lost!" God is good!

So help me God.

I pray that You will find me deserving of Your love and trust. I know Your love is so great and overwhelming and more than enough to carry me (and my family) through towards my dreams. I know Your trust on me is bigger than all the solar systems in the universe. I know You're not gonna let me live my life in waste. I know You're gonna use me as an instrument in making this world a better place to live. I know You're up there looking at me and smiling at me while I'm typing this blog. (Hello God!) I know that You're preparing me for something great with an even greater bonus!

God, consider this entry as my virtual equivalent to Kitkat. I just took a break. Tee hee. I'll now start pursuing my dream. My book is now giving me a stern look. It wants to be opened and highlighted.

I will, God. I will.

Thank you.

Forever Yours,
J